the week

Waking up at 5am everyday to have fofcee (coffee) with my dad.

Walking through the village and enjoying "home," oatmeal raisin cookies, and friends.

Going to Costco with my mom just for toothpaste and dishwasher detergent... the day before Thanksgiving.

FAMILY!

Change

Looking back at what God did in college... I forgot that he started a lot of my transformation in HS.  Below is a poem I found that reminds me that I have always disliked America. 

A poem written in HS.  Brought to you by... my journal.

Anonymous Love Poem to America

America, Home of the conflicted

How I love your special touch.

The way the people run about

buying things a bunch.

Consuming food and clothing

and losing jobs and pride

Holding no convictions

Always going with the Ride.

I love the way your lost,

and can't focus on today.

Needing to fix others

not in the U.S. way.

Oh how I love America

Truly different yes.

From all the other nations. 

Who can ask for something less.

What's Strange About Being Home?

1.   Instantly assuming all of my friends are in a different time-zone.  

2.  Thinking it's Christmas. When else would I be home?

3.  Being told to drink wine by my parents, who know I'm on contract.

Road Journey: Don't Stop_ believing.

My tires hit the road at 5:15 am to begin my trek home.  Giving into fancy, or curiosity, or what have you, I decided to take the 245.  My only experience with the 245 being my escapade to vote, I was anxious to see what the road had to offer.  As the heaviness of the night lifted and the beautiful stars (so beautiful they could be fake) vanished, I was surprised to find what unravelled before me.  I traveled through thick forests, speckled with the vibrant colors of fall, through rolling hills of green, past the hills to the vineyards, from the vineyards to the orchards, and from the orchards into a thick fog that covered the morning.  It struck me how beautiful a well kept orchard is.  How rows and rows of trees can be so striking, even though they weren't created by God in lines.  Part of me cries: shouldn't they be more beautiful when left to live as God made them! But then it hits me: Perhaps they are beautiful as an archetype of man fulfilling his purpose and maintaining the land as best he knows.

So, back to this fog.  Thick fog.  I've never known driving through fog on a freeway.  My only experience has been in mountains.  I only had one moment where I thought of pulling over  But I continued forth and was only 15-20 minutes late for my breakfast date with Linda.  By this time, my tummy had been awake for nearly 4 hours and was ready for sustenance.  Though the burger tempted me, I decided to try the new Tuscan Grilled Chicken Sandwich.  Which is sun-dried tomatoes, crisp romaine lettuce, melted provolone cheese, pesto sauce, a toasted bun, and of course, grilled chicken. Yum.

Then.... dun dun dun duuuuuuuuh!  DISNEYLAND!  What better way to break up a trip home than a stop by my favorite place on earth (and by that I mean top 10). Huzzah!  This stop, whiles short, rocked my socks off.   I decided to ride one ride.  My favorite ride.  The Hollywood Tower of Terror of course.  So, I picked up a fast pass and headed to Disneyland where I enjoyed  listening to dixie land music for a while.  I love to take in the ambiance of the place.  and yes for all you BMT folks out there. I did just say ambiance. I also really enjoyed watching a mutoscope of Charlie Chaplin which is before even the kinescope in the film/tv world.  Super cool.  Then I went and enjoyed the ride. So so so much.  We're talking ear to ear smiles.  

I called Mandy and caught up a bit by phone as I braved the CA freeways.

and then home to my family.  where it feels good to know I'm loved. even though they know me.

Picture from my trip to come.

What, who how.

Name that movie:

The sun is warm. The grass is green.  

Answer only important when ask right question.

___________________________________________________________

The question:   Who has God made me to be?

The answer:   

Insert processing bar here.

The question:  How do I glorify God with who I am?

The answer:   

I'm working on that one.

*to just be*

ME:

50/50

 Introvert/Extrovert

The coin has flipped. The introvert has hit.

I find myself less open to share, less willing to open up.

More likely to sit alone, more likely to think before speaking, more likely to stay quiet.

It feels like... like I need to be a different person.  For myself.

....and I want to be.          mostly.

I'm excited to enjoy life, to love people well, to express myself in living, to be...

Third Person Narrative

Sarah is sick of living life on egg shells trying not to break them. 

She tries to earn love by being as good, unobtrusive, responsible, supportive as she can be.

She knows it doesn't work.

She is tired of it not working.

Jesus was perfect.

He was betrayed.

Sarah hates that betrayal is ever looming, potentially unearned.

Sarah can't help but keep trying.

Maybe living on egg shells will decrease the odds.

Maybe someone will love her when she cracks the eggs.

Omelet anyone?

Hope

misdirected and rejected

        left to die disconnected

unrequited, unaffected

        disregardedly ejected

interlocked made dejected

      found, detected and infected

broken pieces then collected

        re-elected to correct it

                  resurrected and perfected

hebrews 4:16

Remember

Remember

The 5th of November.

Trust

as the tears streak down my face I'm reminded that all is not lost.

in fact, nothing is.

i've yet to learn to truly trust here. few have truly sought it

i can feel it looming.

and it terrifies me.

trust can hurt.

Elk Grove.

But where are the Elks? I haven't seen any.

Sitting with MB and JoRo, watching a movie, after an adventuresome day.

We slept into a breakfast of French Toast, Sausage, and fried eggs. Yummy in my tummy. Then headed off to Ikea. While MB may have considered the trip unsuccesful, mainly because we walked away with next to nothing, it was still quite fun. I enjoyed my first and second cup of coffee there.

Then, since everything revoloves around food, we went to Chipotle. Mmm Mmm Good. Three vegetarian burritos comin' our way.

Then to Ross's. I feel like we were there for years. I didn't look seriously at anything I feel... but I did get to catch up with a good friend from college with whom I used to lead small group for two years. Sometimes it's funny how you don't realize how much you miss someone until they recross your path.

While we drove into Ross's we had noticed that the local Mervins was going out of business. So I coerced the girls into letting me go in real quick.

Did I mention it's been raining all day?

So we drove across the parking lot and walked to Mervins. After looking around for a bit, we headed outside where the heavens had really started to let loose. We crowded under JoRo's umbrella and walked to the car. And that's when we realized: the key's were locked in the car.

When it became apparent that a spare key was not easy to grasp, we called AAA.

2 hours, 10 minutes, a mixed up dispatcher location, 3 coffees, 2 trips to the bathroom, 2 inches of rain, and 9 movie purchases later we were in the car and off to Dinner at the K's house.

What
a
Day.