Saturday, December 27, 2008

Mmmm Mmmm Christmas.

Siblings in the hottub. Christmas Night

Pumpkin Pie! oh, and Liesa!

Family Portrait:  
Those hats we are wearing come from family British tradition.  "Christmas Poppers"
Top to Bottom, Left to Right, Daddy, Uncle Eric, Brooke, Liesa, Sylvia, Me, Shaw

Christmas Day in Palm Springs.  So much fun to have a spontaneous family adventure.  We opened presents, ate wonderful food, enjoyed the jacuzzi,  played the traditional family game of Taboo.  My dad played!!! When my sister told me my dad said he would play, i asked her if she had him sign a contract.  And she had tried! 
On Boxing day, we all went to Cabazon and went on a 7 person family shopping extravaganza.  Our family moves like molasses.  No one makes any decisions.  And then we had lunch at BJs.  It was great.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008


Weird People. But they're my people.

Tomorrow. Scratch that. Tonight, we expect snow in Lake Arrowhead.
Some might say, what divine timing! What providence!
A white Christmas!

Not the Tuch household.
Today, Christmas Eve, I got a call on my way home.
"We've decided to use our timeshare, we're going to do Christmas in Palm Dessert"

That's right. We're fleeing the white Christmas.

Truth is, I'm cool with that. I'm excited. We get to do a family vacation of sorts for Christmas! and we haven't had one of those since the Family Vacation Catastrophe of '99. I trust this one will be wonderful. How could it not be! It's Christmas! I love it when plans change in a "spontaneous adventure" sort of way.

Life is what we make it. Make it joyful. Live in the moment.

Merry Christmas Peeps.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

creatings nothing new it's just recycling

Relient K's New Album 
"The Bird and the BeeSides"

Time and time again, God uses their witty lyrics to speak into my life, to encourage me forward.

Where do I go
Where do I stand
Where can I find myself again
Where do I go
If not disappear
Where do I go from here

Tracin'  My steps right back to you
Racin'  The clock to save an hour or two
Facin'  The fact I can't feel a thing
Dealin' With what I can't control
Feelin' Confused 'cause I don't know
If healing Is when you don't feel a thing

We all, we all wear dignity
It covers the strong, the weak
We all, we all wear dignity
Even the last, the lost, the least

Step into a spacious place
Where pride and right will give way
To the least of these
To know the face
Of who a man can be

We all, we all wear dignity
God help the blind like me
Finding at last a voice we cry
And see with clear unblinking eyes


Well I found a list of flaws,
That I saw in myself and other people,
And I threw it away because... Bon Voyage

When it all falls apart,
And you can't see the forest for the symmetries.

Isn't it nice to know, that the lining is silver.
Isn't it nice to know, that we're golden.
Yeah we're golden, oh!

Clinging to the remnants of perfection
Like most do after they break it
Not knowing which directions the correct one
Do I discard or remake it

Cause if I don’t know then I don’t know
But I may know someone that knows me more than I
And if I somehow could rest this soul
Maybe control could find its way back to my life


I'm a human being
Being happy and sane
All human beings
We are made to quit being inhumane

Yesterday was not quite what it could've been
As were most of all the days before
But I swear today with every breath I'm breathing in
I'll be trying to make it so much more

Cause it seems I get so hung up on
The history of what's gone wrong
That the hope of a new day is sometimes hard to see
But I'm finally catching on to it
Yeah the past is just a conduit
And the light there at the end is where I'll be

Now there's nothing left to prove
Cause I'm just trying to be
A better version of me for you

Now I have, all that I could ever need
The confidence of knowing there's still time
Time to make amends and try to build a better me
And to take the right steps as this road unwinds


I've given up on acting like I'm perfect
I advise you all to do the same
Perfection's rare
So the last time I checked
We've all been introduced to feeling ashamed

Let's talk about the way things were
Let's talk about the way things should be
I think I'm certain but I'm not so sure
If I'll turn my back as soon as God lets me

(When me and You, subtract the latter
Equals nothing really matters)

You make me sure, in the midst
Of heartbreak and turbulence
That my spirit soars becacuse its Yours

I'm sorry for the person I became
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change
I'm ready to make sure I never become that way again
Cause who I am hates who I've been
Who I am hates who I've been

You stole so much from me and there is nothing left to take
Save a heart, learn a lesson on how to not make the same mistake
And you may be delirious but that is something that will fade
After you confess that this mess is all something that you made


Monday, December 22, 2008

Work sum mo'

Sitting here at work... messy hair and all, waiting for the motion project to export. What fun.

Last night, I decided it would be good to take a break from work.. like a half day sabbath.  But, would you guess? My sleeping schedule is wiggedy wack.  So I stayed up listening to my new music. Best of 2008 (thanks Darin), Jon Troast (thanks Nathan), and Relient K! (thank you God).  A whole post dedicated to Relient K will be soon coming.  I just need ample time to sit through the album.  

Oh look! The Video is done!




Sunday, December 21, 2008

Long Overdue Pictures...

1. Do I even have to mention how cool Kyle and I are?
At Disneyland.
Over Thanksgiving.

2. Beauty.
Union Square.
San Francisco.

3.In an elevator.
What fun.
Too bad about the elevator bouncers.

Hopefully.  Be full of hope.  My blogs will soon be less boring. and more Picturesque.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Christmas Lights

Tonight I walked home from work in the wee hours of the morning...
and at 2am. the stars are brilliant. quite brilliant.  

and  it came to me: they are the true Christmas Lights and God the true decorator.
and it made me grateful: grateful for this place, for my God, for the blessings of my surroundings.

What a clear, beautiful night. 

Wednesday, December 10, 2008


I've been better.
But today I've been better than I've been.

In the words of Relient K: Who I am hates who I've been.

I know where I've been and look forward to be better days ahead.

I learn to trust that He who began a good work is faithful to complete.  I only wish to be a better me.  Because I haven't felt like me at all.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

There's nothing that makes me happier..

--than realizing just how far God has taken me, and just how much He loves me

--than seeing a child's face light up--

--than seeing a need and meeting it--

--than spending an evening in good company--

--than learning more and more of who people really are--

--than hearing the perfect song at the perfect moment--

--than wanting to dance, and feeling like it's okay--

--than acting like a fool and having people enjoy it--

--than feeling like me, and liking it--

----and while I suppose these contradict themselves--some probably make me happier than others--in the moment, absolutely nothing could make me happier---- 

Thursday, November 27, 2008

the week

Waking up at 5am everyday to have fofcee (coffee) with my dad.

Walking through the village and enjoying "home," oatmeal raisin cookies, and friends.

Going to Costco with my mom just for toothpaste and dishwasher detergent... the day before Thanksgiving.


Tuesday, November 25, 2008


Looking back at what God did in college... I forgot that he started a lot of my transformation in HS.  Below is a poem I found that reminds me that I have always disliked America. 

A poem written in HS.  Brought to you by... my journal.

Anonymous Love Poem to America

America, Home of the conflicted
How I love your special touch.
The way the people run about
buying things a bunch.

Consuming food and clothing
and losing jobs and pride
Holding no convictions
Always going with the Ride.

I love the way your lost,
and can't focus on today.
Needing to fix others
not in the U.S. way.

Oh how I love America
Truly different yes.
From all the other nations. 
Who can ask for something less.

What's Strange About Being Home?

1.   Instantly assuming all of my friends are in a different time-zone.  
2.  Thinking it's Christmas. When else would I be home?
3.  Being told to drink wine by my parents, who know I'm on contract.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Road Journey: Don't Stop_ believing.

My tires hit the road at 5:15 am to begin my trek home.  Giving into fancy, or curiosity, or what have you, I decided to take the 245.  My only experience with the 245 being my escapade to vote, I was anxious to see what the road had to offer.  As the heaviness of the night lifted and the beautiful stars (so beautiful they could be fake) vanished, I was surprised to find what unravelled before me.  I traveled through thick forests, speckled with the vibrant colors of fall, through rolling hills of green, past the hills to the vineyards, from the vineyards to the orchards, and from the orchards into a thick fog that covered the morning.  It struck me how beautiful a well kept orchard is.  How rows and rows of trees can be so striking, even though they weren't created by God in lines.  Part of me cries: shouldn't they be more beautiful when left to live as God made them! But then it hits me: Perhaps they are beautiful as an archetype of man fulfilling his purpose and maintaining the land as best he knows.

So, back to this fog.  Thick fog.  I've never known driving through fog on a freeway.  My only experience has been in mountains.  I only had one moment where I thought of pulling over  But I continued forth and was only 15-20 minutes late for my breakfast date with Linda.  By this time, my tummy had been awake for nearly 4 hours and was ready for sustenance.  Though the burger tempted me, I decided to try the new Tuscan Grilled Chicken Sandwich.  Which is sun-dried tomatoes, crisp romaine lettuce, melted provolone cheese, pesto sauce, a toasted bun, and of course, grilled chicken. Yum.

Then.... dun dun dun duuuuuuuuh!  DISNEYLAND!  What better way to break up a trip home than a stop by my favorite place on earth (and by that I mean top 10). Huzzah!  This stop, whiles short, rocked my socks off.   I decided to ride one ride.  My favorite ride.  The Hollywood Tower of Terror of course.  So, I picked up a fast pass and headed to Disneyland where I enjoyed  listening to dixie land music for a while.  I love to take in the ambiance of the place.  and yes for all you BMT folks out there. I did just say ambiance. I also really enjoyed watching a mutoscope of Charlie Chaplin which is before even the kinescope in the film/tv world.  Super cool.  Then I went and enjoyed the ride. So so so much.  We're talking ear to ear smiles.  

I called Mandy and caught up a bit by phone as I braved the CA freeways.

and then home to my family.  where it feels good to know I'm loved. even though they know me.

Picture from my trip to come.

Friday, November 21, 2008

What, who how.

Name that movie:
The sun is warm. The grass is green.  
Answer only important when ask right question.
The question:   Who has God made me to be?
The answer:   

Insert processing bar here.

The question:  How do I glorify God with who I am?
The answer:   

I'm working on that one.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

*to just be*


The coin has flipped. The introvert has hit.

I find myself less open to share, less willing to open up.
More likely to sit alone, more likely to think before speaking, more likely to stay quiet.

It feels like... like I need to be a different person.  For myself.

....and I want to be.          mostly.

I'm excited to enjoy life, to love people well, to express myself in living, to be...

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Third Person Narrative

Sarah is sick of living life on egg shells trying not to break them. 
She tries to earn love by being as good, unobtrusive, responsible, supportive as she can be.
She knows it doesn't work.
She is tired of it not working.

Jesus was perfect.
He was betrayed.

Sarah hates that betrayal is ever looming, potentially unearned.

Sarah can't help but keep trying.
Maybe living on egg shells will decrease the odds.
Maybe someone will love her when she cracks the eggs.

Omelet anyone?

Thursday, November 6, 2008


misdirected and rejected
        left to die disconnected
unrequited, unaffected
        disregardedly ejected
interlocked made dejected
      found, detected and infected
broken pieces then collected
        re-elected to correct it
                  resurrected and perfected

hebrews 4:16

Wednesday, November 5, 2008



The 5th of November.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


as the tears streak down my face I'm reminded that all is not lost.
in fact, nothing is.

i've yet to learn to truly trust here. few have truly sought it

i can feel it looming.

and it terrifies me.

trust can hurt.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Elk Grove.

But where are the Elks? I haven't seen any.

Sitting with MB and JoRo, watching a movie, after an adventuresome day.

We slept into a breakfast of French Toast, Sausage, and fried eggs. Yummy in my tummy. Then headed off to Ikea. While MB may have considered the trip unsuccesful, mainly because we walked away with next to nothing, it was still quite fun. I enjoyed my first and second cup of coffee there.

Then, since everything revoloves around food, we went to Chipotle. Mmm Mmm Good. Three vegetarian burritos comin' our way.

Then to Ross's. I feel like we were there for years. I didn't look seriously at anything I feel... but I did get to catch up with a good friend from college with whom I used to lead small group for two years. Sometimes it's funny how you don't realize how much you miss someone until they recross your path.

While we drove into Ross's we had noticed that the local Mervins was going out of business. So I coerced the girls into letting me go in real quick.

Did I mention it's been raining all day?

So we drove across the parking lot and walked to Mervins. After looking around for a bit, we headed outside where the heavens had really started to let loose. We crowded under JoRo's umbrella and walked to the car. And that's when we realized: the key's were locked in the car.

When it became apparent that a spare key was not easy to grasp, we called AAA.

2 hours, 10 minutes, a mixed up dispatcher location, 3 coffees, 2 trips to the bathroom, 2 inches of rain, and 9 movie purchases later we were in the car and off to Dinner at the K's house.


Friday, October 31, 2008

Bare My Soul

I want to paint my soul and inspire people to study it.
I want to be searched, sought out, valued, known (if not understood).
Maybe, If I were brush strokes on a canvas, someone would turn their head and look.
Art doesn't speak or seek to be known.
It Simply is. It innately captures.


Today I shared a big insecurity of mine with a deaf man,. and I don't know why I needed to do that.

Simple Reminder

Yesterday, I was duplicating CDs and was reminded: "Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, Just to take Him at His Word"

I gave in...

I will now continue my blog from here.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

For now.

You can read my blog at

Enjoy. or don't. Your call I suppose.