"Waiting upon God is vital in order to see Him and receive a vision from Him. And the amount of time spent before Him is also critical, for our hearts are like a photographer's film--the longer exposed, the deeper the impression. For God's vision to be impressed on our hearts, we must sit in stillness at His feet for quite a long time. Remember, the troubled surface of a lake will not reflect an image."
Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 20 people including me. You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat song titles. It's a lot harder than you think! Re-post as "My Life According to (ARTIST/BAND NAME)"
Pick Your Artist: Relient K
Are you a male or female: The Last, The Lost, The Least
Describe yourself: Over Thinking
How do you feel: I am Understood?
Describe where you currently live: Where Do I Go From Here
If you could go anywhere, where would you go: My Way or the Highway
Your favorite form of transportation: Jefferson Aeroplane
Your best friend(s) is/are: More Than Useless
Your favorite color is: The Lining is Silver
What's the weather like: High of 75
If your life was a TV show, what would it be called: Bite My Tounge
What is life to you: Forward Motion
Breaking up: The Rest Is Up To You
Looking for: The One I'm Waiting For
Wouldn’t mind: Let It All Out
Your fear: The Thief
What is the best advice you have to give: Come Right Out And Say It
If you could change your name, you would change it to: Plead The Fifth
It's national singles week. Odd. I don't rightly care much about being single... Except in relation to work. Being the only single one at work is getting old fast. But being not single sounds so unappealing at present.
Some Notes from an article arguing the need for National Singles Week
11. We need it because single people who live solo can show us that living alone is not the same as feeling alone. They remind us of something that is too seldom acknowledged in a society that so celebrates the buzz of social life, something that people of all marital statuses can appreciate - that solitude can be sweet. 12. We need it because the de-stigmatizing of single life does not undermine marriage, it strengthens it. When single people can live their lives with all of the same respect, benefits, protections, and opportunities as people who are married, then those who want to marry are free. They can pursue marriage for the right reasons - not to run away from the stigma of being single, but to embrace the attractions of being married. 14. We need to value single people because that's what progressive nations do. They look for the people who have been marginalized and diminished, and invite them into the center of society. That way, we can all live happily ever after.
I'm sitting at home. And I love it. I love my house. and I find that I hardly ever mind being alone. It's so comfortable and enjoyable to just relax. I have a home of my own. I'm a very very lucky girl.
This picture hardly even captures how lovely my home is.
A feeling that arises from the discovery that something is not what it was anticipated to be, commonly held to be stronger than disappointment especially when a belief central to one’s identity is shown to be false; The act of freeing from an illusion, or the state of being freed therefrom.
20:4 23:3 "He restores my soul, He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake" 25:9 "He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way" :10 "All the paths of the LORD are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and testimonies" 31:15 "My times are in your hand" 25:14 "The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear Him"
This weekend I enjoyed the tranquility of friendship and rest.
I can't even remember the last time I was so blessed
Current life occupation: Being a woman consumed with loving God. Nothing else matters.
Ability to accomplish said occupation is dependent on my reliance on God.
Learning what that looks like.
Have I ever mentioned that my favorite place here is the lake at night, when all the lights are out, and the stars are up. Nothing can replicate that. There's something about this place at night that will always get me.
There's something so promising about an empty journal.
Something that excites me. The prospect of doing new things, thinking new things, recording new things.
I find an impulse to buy empty notebooks often (though rarely do). And yet, when I buy one, I have this hesitation to use it. There's something wonderful about an unadulterated notebook. There's something beautiful about it's blank pages. What... dear notebook, should you be filled with?
I hesitate to write, not wanting to err. But that also moves me to buy more, empty notebooks... more chances to start over, anew. New blank pages are forgiving of past notebooks.
I left dinner this evening to find a tire flat on my car. Knowing what I do about cars, i knew it unwise to drive the car far, let alone at all. I carefully moved it to a spot out of the way, and proceeded to walk home. I didn't have time, nor the bravery to change it then and there. I don't want people watching me.
So, after small group I headed over to my car. Moving it under a light by the snack shop, i opened the trunk and got out the jack to begin the tire changing process. Once my car was elevated I started working on the bolts. But they won't budge...
Now, I know how to change a tire! I've even helped change one before. But apparently I'm not strong enough any longer (or I wasn't the one who used strength last time).
But now, I find myself a damsel in distress, in need of a hero, and brute strength, in order to have a moving vehicle.
Firefly now sits alone, with only three limbs, wondering when she will be rescued.
Luke 14:34-38 (New American Standard Bible) "Therefore, salt is good; but if even salt has become tasteless, with what will it be seasoned? "It is useless either for the soil or for the manure pile; it is thrown out. He who has ears to hear, let him hear."
Salt is used to make manure good for fertilizing.
We, the salt, are to make manure good for fertilizing. We, the salt, are to make the crap in people's lives good for fertilizing. We, the salt, are to make the crap in people's lives good soil.
Luke 8:8 (New American Standard Bible) "Other seed fell into the good soil, and grew up, and produced a crop a hundred times as great." As He said these things, He would call out, "He who has ears to hear, let him hear."
He who has ears to hear, let hum hear. Being the salt of the earth is also about being the kind of person that takes people where they are and makes them more receptive to God.
So I was inspired to go to Disneyland because my pass was expiring.
A bunch of us decided to hit up the happy kingdom and had a blast.
We rode most every ride we enjoyed twice. And that includes riding Splash Mountain twice in a row (no getting out of the log), two times (2 x 2 =4)! It also meant riding Big Thunder Mountain in pelting rain.. and it was an incredible feeling. Woo!
And then we drove the 6 enjoyable hours back to camp before hitting our pillows at 3 am.
A great shotgun trip to the Southern of California. No regrets. Janelle and I on Big Thunder Mountain
Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. no more. (Another one of those days I just feel liking singing to the internet.)
I also wear my sunglasses at night.
En otro cosas:
Mi vida no esta mal ahora, pero no esta mi favorito. Odio la situacion, y la dolor en mi corazon. Quiero ser una persona con belleza. Lo veo. Porque mi Padre es bueno, y me la dime por mis hermanas de Dios. Entre de mi corazon y mi cabeza hay un lucha. Mi corazon quiere amigos y todo, pero mi cabeza se sabe que es por mio y no tuyo. I debo necesitar nada de los otros en mi vido. La unica cosa yo necesito es mi Dios, mi Padre.
Purificame y lavame, renueveame, restaurame senor.
Never again am I gonna give my heart to a bullshit cause I’ve had enough of lies and dark Never again am I gonna waste my time on a bullshit road It’s never been a friend of mine Simple words from a simple man Take me as I am ‘cause there’s no guarantee I’ll ever change To feel like this, to know distress, to always wonder why Ah, forgive me any way I go Father, I know, I feel like I’m made to let you down Brother, I know, I’m failing to come through To feel like this, to know distress, to always wonder why If you lead me anywhere I’ll go
Well it’s plain to see that I don’t fit in And I tried to find a place to hide My body’s always been too young for the soul that’s trapped inside But I’d show the color of my eyes to everyone around And it’d take an angel seven years to come and calm me down I’ll never understand myself or know the reasons why In my bed alone at night I learned to be afraid to die My soul is frozen stiff inside my skin Paralyzed by thoughts that I’ve let in Father, I know, I feel like I’m made to let you down Brother, I know, I’m failing to come through To feel like this, to know distress, to always wonder why If you take me…anywhere I’ll go Wherever you are going…take me by the hand If you lead me…anywhere I’ll go
"All that means is it wasn't personal to you. It's personal to me. It's personal to a lot of people. And what's so wrong with being personal anyway. Whateverelse anything is it aughta begin by being personal."
In the short span of a few hours I've accomplished quite a number of things and crossed them off of my list.
Now, I'm not much of a list person... in the sense that I'd rather not have one if possible. But I am a list person when it comes to getting things done. It feels great to have less and less on a list.
I had made plans for a coffee date with Lizzy at 1. Thinking it was Monday, I was quite surprised to find people sleeping on my couch. So I had to cancel and move the date till after church.. but I feel guilty, because I think that might be a bit too late for a school night... there was hesitation in getting permission.
Its a still life water color, Of a now late afternoon, As the sun shines through the curtained lace And shadows wash the room. And we sit and drink our coffee Couched in our indifference, Like shells upon the shore You can hear the ocean roar In the dangling conversation And the superficial sighs, Are the borders of our lives. Simon and Garfunkel
The morning started when I took Firefly into the body shop and picked up Norma for a drive around the town.
I woke up not sure of even leaving; the fresh snow bode danger on the drive. I was wrong. So wrong.
We, my not so fair weather friend Heather and I (don't worry, I know what I mean, and so does she) headed to lunch at Betsy's Sandwich bar in Uncle Harry's bagel shop. Sooooo good. Then we browsed Fashion Fair for a few things before heading to Target.
A series of miracles, small joyfilled miracles began.
*Heather found that she had way more money on a gift card than she thought.
*And then we went to get free Starbucks. While encountering some of the nicest and most fun coffee house service I've ever had, we both tried new drinks that we each loved.
*We went to Borders where we let ourselves spend 10$. I found a book of fairy tales written by Oscar Wilde. .. to top that off: When I passed the music section a CD caught my eye. and I randomly thought to purchase it. a 5$ CD of a band I had never heard before. I hemmed and hawed, and after convincing bought it, only to find that I had 5$ credit at borders. So it was free. And I love the CD! It's great!
*We then went and saw a movie for free. We saw Bride Wars, which was good but not great.
*off to dinner at Josh's house for quesadillas, then to trader joes!! for fun healthy food! I love it!, More Starbucks (where we ALMOST got the pick of the week early.. if they hadn't been lost), and then took a detour home...
*and then to top it ALL of... WE SAW A LION on our way home. Driving up the hill we were convinced we saw a Lion take down a deer. Being the females we are, of course, we turned around and made sure... We totally saw a Lion! How cool!
Okay. so that was the day. and it was great. and much needed. God is good, and every good and perfect gift comes from Him... and today was a gift.
I think this is a lie; rather, sleeping is the hardest part.
I'd rather drain my energy, clinging to the last breath of conscious wake. Slumber brings pain and welcomes unwelcome tears. The watch-guards take a break and my mind is flooded with anguish, salty anguish. No, sleep is worse than waking up. Or rather, falling asleep is worse.
Although, while I've been eluding those moments these days I find that the lack of sleep bodes worse for my soul. The faculties of caution and filters on my heart are even thiner than their usual opaque. Raw emotion paralyzes me from functioning. The awareness that I'm nothing, that I live alone and unseen, that God is the only (except in those moments I forget God) washes my face anew with a river of loneliness.
And then there is rock bottom. And my mind poetically wonders if that's why people drink their scotch on the rocks. And if scotch is like tape that people use to hide and fix their wounds. Menial, temporary adhesive bandages that don't leave room for true healing.
-from a girl wondering where she really is in the scheme of things, because there is honestly little for which she can complain.
I sit here, waiting for a DVD to burn. Yet another late night at work.
It's strange how some nights it can be 7pm and you think it's 11. And other nights, you look at the clock and think: Holey Moley! I thought it was 11! and its really 4am...
Tonight I found myself experiencing the latter. Which is by far preferable. I find that i'm much more productive these nights.
On another note: Church tonight, or yesterday, was really good. It was good to be reminded that only God looks at the heart, and that there is always the possibility of misunderstanding with people. It made me less frustrated with the present sense that no one here sees my heart.
Still working on this whole selflessness thing...however I still seem to fail at every step...
I started the day getting an estimate on my car after hitting the snow birm, and then the real fun started.
I enjoyed a cup of coffee with a poppyseed muffin at the Revue in the tower district. I tried to read there, but thought I better try to catch up with my friends from Boston, to no avail. So I headed to Fashion Fair where I proceeded to try on things I could never see myself wearing, like a purple jean mini skirt. and here's the thing: I loved it! I think I could pull it off, and I was very tempted to purchase it. But seeing as there is no place for me to wear it, it seemed a waste. ( I have pictures, but that might be scandalous)
Josh met me right about now in the story and we walked around and looked for funny hats and fun T-shirts.
And Then I met Rachel! I love Rachel. We went to Chick-filet (Where we saw Melody! YAY!) At Chick-filet, one of the young men who worked there approached the two of us and asked us if we would like our beverages refreshed, and if he could clear our trays for us. Is this normal fast food employee behavior? or did he just want to talk to us....
Then we went to Bath and Body Works, and Target, and Dinner (w/Josh) and then Grocery Shopping. Now, at Target, Rachel and I were in the nail polish/facewash area, and this obnoxious employee kept asking Rachel questions and generally bothering her. When I told Rach that I was heading to the next Isle, the employee proceeded to ask : "Is your daughter looking for facewash?" Poor Rachel had to try not to laugh... Now do I look like her daughter?
I dont think so either!
The whole day ended with Coffee and super encouraging conversation that reminds you who you are, who God wants you to be, and how hard and worthwhile the inbetween is.
Cause it seems I get so hung up on The history and what's gone wrong And the hope of a new day Is sometimes hard to see And though I'm finally catching onto it And now the past is just a conduit And the light there at the end is where I'll be
To be prosperous Would not require much of me You see contentment is the one thing it entails To be content with where I am And getting where I need to be I'm moving past the past Where I have failed
It's been one of those weeks. The week that feels like a month. The week without days, just events. Filled with a plethora of joy. Filled with the pain of loss and stress. The week that leaves you weak. That makes you weep. That steals your sleep. Oh yes, It's been one of those weeks.
But I'd like to take that, and fold it up in a fancy design, and put it in my pocket.In my pocket it will go. And I will go. And it will go with me.
The Idea: The first sentence from the first blog of every month; year 2008.
January: It's been quite an incredible holiday season so far... February: I had a great weekend this weekend. March: Today is a good day. April: I think yes. yes. emotional week. and yet. I'm still alive. May: It's been a while. With good reason. June: No Entry July: Odd day, Odd weekend really. August: No Entry September: No Entry October: I love walking down the boulevard of a populated area. November: But where are the Elks? I haven't seen any. December:There's nothing that makes me happier--than realizing just how far God has taken me, and just how much He loves me.
Tag! You're It!
I'm one of those historian people. The kind that have trouble focusing on what's to come, because they keep their heads stuck in the past. Not that we don't think upon the future, just that it doesn't impact the present very much. So, when I'm approached by a new year, I hardly think about the exciting things to come, or the promise of the future. Rather, I get nostalgic, almost sad and reminiscent as I think upon the past year.
I leave you with this thought: Look at the stars. I've been blessed to see some amazing starry nights before, but none as incredible as this evening. It reminded me that Abraham must have a lot of children....