Death and Taxes

You know it's sad when you decide you'd rather do your taxes than go to work.

I've checked into Hotel Help for a Mental Vacation.

Crush

I totally have a thing for Liv's brother! 

No Variation or Shadow of Turning

The morning started when I took Firefly into the body shop and picked up Norma for a drive around the town.

I woke up not sure of even leaving; the fresh snow bode danger on the drive.  I was wrong. So wrong.

We, my not so fair weather friend Heather and I (don't worry, I know what I mean, and so does she) headed to lunch at Betsy's Sandwich bar in Uncle Harry's bagel shop.  Sooooo good.  Then we browsed Fashion Fair for a few things before heading to Target.

A series of miracles, small joyfilled miracles began.  

*Heather found that she had way more money on a gift card than she thought.  

*And then we went to get free Starbucks.  While encountering some of the nicest and most fun coffee house service I've ever had, we both tried new drinks that we each loved.  

*We went to Borders where we let ourselves spend 10$. I found a book of fairy tales written by Oscar Wilde.  .. to top that off: When I passed the music section a CD caught my eye.  and I randomly thought to purchase it.  a 5$ CD of a band I had never heard before.  I hemmed and hawed, and after convincing bought it, only to find that I had 5$ credit at borders.  So it was free.  And I love the CD! It's great!

*We then went and saw a movie for free.  We saw Bride Wars, which was good but not great.

*off to dinner at Josh's house for quesadillas, then to trader joes!! for fun healthy food! I love it!, More Starbucks (where we ALMOST got the pick of the week early.. if they hadn't been lost), and then took a detour home...

*and then to top it ALL of... WE SAW A LION on our way home.  Driving up the hill we were convinced we saw a Lion take down a deer.  Being the females we are, of course, we turned around and made sure... We totally saw a Lion! How cool!

Okay.  so that was the day. and it was great. and much needed. God is good, and every good and perfect gift comes from Him... and today was a gift.

Syrup

Wouldn't you know it...?

I just ate a pancake.

I wanted one.

I made one.

and I ate it.

Maybe I'm not who I thought I was. 

"When you're dreaming of a broken heart, waking up is the hardest part." -John Mayer

I think this is a lie; rather, sleeping is the hardest part.

I'd rather drain my energy, clinging to the last breath of conscious wake.  Slumber brings pain and welcomes unwelcome tears.  The watch-guards take a break and my mind is flooded with anguish, salty anguish.  No, sleep is worse than waking up.  Or rather, falling asleep is worse.

Although, while I've been eluding those moments these days I find that the lack of sleep bodes worse for my soul.  The faculties of caution and filters on my heart are even thiner than their usual opaque. Raw emotion paralyzes me from functioning.  The awareness that I'm nothing, that I live alone and unseen, that God is the only (except in those moments I forget God) washes my face anew with a river of loneliness.  

And then there is rock bottom.  And my mind poetically wonders if that's why people drink their scotch on the rocks.  And if scotch is like tape that people use to hide and fix their wounds.  Menial, temporary adhesive bandages that don't leave room for true healing.

-from a girl wondering where she really is in the scheme of things, because there is honestly little for which she can complain.

 

well, since you didn't ask...

I'm treading lightly in fog.  Vision blurry, clinging to the hope of "after."  I don't know what to do after. What will I have left waiting, I wonder.

Like a switch.

Psalm 6:6

" I am worn out from groaning; 

all night long I flood my bed with weeping 

and drench my couch with tears."