Daily Musings

BLOG

2009-10-14T19:37:00.001-07:00

MY BLOG HAS MOVED!

slynnt.wordpress.com

-Tuch

One of those nights...

2009-10-13T22:13:00.000-07:00

Sitting up watching Arrested Development.

Making grocery lists.

and wishing I could put my finger on what it is life is doing right now.

It feels pivotal. Like the future hinges on these few months. It seems as if, just making it through will be an accomplishment, a testament to God's goodness and faithfulness.

note: I'm considering moving my blog again. Why? Maybe to gain control of my life? I don't know.

Snow Patrol

2009-10-08T22:05:00.000-07:00

Thank you Snow Patrol for expressing my thoughts.

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Ken Block. Blue to a Blind Man

2009-10-06T21:50:00.000-07:00

It's like trying to teach blue to a blind man
Rude to a kind man
Or walking on the sun
You try and I do all that I can
But teaching blue to a blind mind
Can't be done

10.06.09

2009-10-06T20:52:00.000-07:00

It's snowing.

2009-10-04T16:06:00.000-07:00

I'm excited. for what's coming... and I don't know what it is that is coming.

I want to travel. to explore. to live. and to love.

... how to do that today...

Killing time...

2009-10-02T15:48:00.000-07:00

... like dead bunnies in bear traps...

many things vie for my attention.

many things demand my time.

fewer things attract my interest.

and all of them are on my mind.

My new love.

2009-09-27T14:15:00.000-07:00

In the midst of not having true days off, i've been watching 30 Rock.

... and I love it.

But unfortunately the early episodes of Season 3 (and some of Season 2) are not findable.. and I'm wanting to watch it!

What's a girl to do.

Dear Work,

2009-09-25T07:52:00.001-07:00

When I give you my heart:

Please do not criticize me for it. Will you take advantage of my time and my energy? Will I care too much? How can it not end in dejection if I do?

But if I keep my heart:

How will I motivate myself to do well? What will I be working for? Will there be any point at all?

-Your devoted friend, and enemy

Life in the Video Department

2009-09-24T09:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a good day. I spent most of my time putting together a last minute video for Youth Specialties. So, even though it was last minute, I think it's a short video for my friends in Boston...

This is what we do!

Enjoy!

Work

2009-09-22T10:50:00.000-07:00

I like:

. collecting and organizing things

. like videos on a DVD

. or facts in an email

. making sure all bases are covered

. remembering things

. creating processes that work

. motion graphics

. photoshop

. after effects

. stylizing video

. problem solving

. managing people who learn quickly

. working independently

. location scouting

. stage directing

. helping people and making them happy

. meetings

I don't like:

. camera operating

. capturing

. cutting footage

. telling someone something twice

. printing audio labels

. printing pictures

. duplicating

. gathering people

. talking to people who want to buy things

. boom operating

. filling orders

It seems I like more things than I dislike.

. thats a good sign right?

What's God Upto?

2009-09-18T08:56:00.000-07:00

"Waiting upon God is vital in order to see Him and receive a vision from Him. And the amount of time spent before Him is also critical, for our hearts are like a photographer's film--the longer exposed, the deeper the impression. For God's vision to be impressed on our hearts, we must sit in stillness at His feet for quite a long time. Remember, the troubled surface of a lake will not reflect an image."

"He will quiet you with His love"

"Be on your guard;

stand firm in the faith;

be courageous;

be strong.

Do everything in love."

1 Corinthians 16:13-14

My Life According to Relient K

2009-09-16T19:52:00.000-07:00

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 20 people including me. You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat song titles. It's a lot harder than you think! Re-post as "My Life According to (ARTIST/BAND NAME)"

Pick Your Artist:
Relient K

Are you a male or female:
The Last, The Lost, The Least

Describe yourself:
Over Thinking

How do you feel:
I am Understood?

Describe where you currently live:
Where Do I Go From Here

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
My Way or the Highway

Your favorite form of transportation:
Jefferson Aeroplane

Your best friend(s) is/are:
More Than Useless

Your favorite color is:
The Lining is Silver

What's the weather like:
High of 75

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
Bite My Tounge

What is life to you:
Forward Motion

Breaking up:
The Rest Is Up To You

Looking for:
The One I'm Waiting For

Wouldn’t mind:
Let It All Out

Your fear:
The Thief

What is the best advice you have to give:
Come Right Out And Say It

If you could change your name, you would change it to:
Plead The Fifth

Thought for the Day:
Apathetic Way To Be

How I would like to die:
Curl Up And Die

My motto:
Give Until There's Nothing Left

National Singles Week

2009-09-15T19:50:00.000-07:00

It's national singles week.
Odd.
I don't rightly care much about being single... Except in relation to work.
Being the only single one at work is getting old fast.
But being not single sounds so unappealing at present.

Some Notes from an article arguing the need for National Singles Week

11. We need it because single people who live solo can show us that living alone is not the same as feeling alone. They remind us of something that is too seldom acknowledged in a society that so celebrates the buzz of social life, something that people of all marital statuses can appreciate - that solitude can be sweet.
12. We need it because the de-stigmatizing of single life does not undermine marriage, it strengthens it. When single people can live their lives with all of the same respect, benefits, protections, and opportunities as people who are married, then those who want to marry are free. They can pursue marriage for the right reasons - not to run away from the stigma of being single, but to embrace the attractions of being married.
14. We need to value single people because that's what progressive nations do. They look for the people who have been marginalized and diminished, and invite them into the center of society. That way, we can all live happily ever after.

ASR

2009-09-13T09:11:00.000-07:00

I thoroughly enjoyed our escapade to San Diego. Despite getting sick, and wearing myself out, I still had a fantastic time... which is saying something.

Unfortunately, all pictures are on other people's camera's.

But it was a weekend of good friends, good food, good conversation, and awesomeness. I'm a lucky girl. And all this for work.

Currently

2009-09-08T20:19:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting at home. And I love it. I love my house. and I find that I hardly ever mind being alone. It's so comfortable and enjoyable to just relax. I have a home of my own. I'm a very very lucky girl.

This picture hardly even captures how lovely my home is.

Disillusionment

2009-09-02T21:21:00.000-07:00

A feeling that arises from the discovery that something is not what it was anticipated to be, commonly held to be stronger than disappointment especially when a belief central to one’s identity is shown to be false; The act of freeing from an illusion, or the state of being freed therefrom.

Week 8

2009-07-26T18:40:00.000-07:00

Summer is winding down.
and with it I feel my hope dim.
(though I know hope does not disappoint when our hope is in Christ... I mean a different kind of hope)

I see nothing new on the horizon. Nothing new under the sun (to steal from Solomon)
I long for the excitement of the unknown.

The path ahead is familiar, the way long...

In short: I wish there was something to look forward to...

and yet... being content with the present is a much more fortuitous occupation.

Psalms

2009-07-13T21:15:00.000-07:00

20:4
23:3 "He restores my soul, He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake"
25:9 "He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way"
:10 "All the paths of the LORD are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and testimonies"
31:15 "My times are in your hand"
25:14 "The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear Him"

Love Love

2009-07-08T21:50:00.000-07:00

has given me life.
Love is a force that I cannot fight.
it's taken over me.
Love is Changing me.

I want this: God's love to change me. To quiet me.
To reflect his love to others.

I believe...

2009-06-27T07:12:00.000-07:00

that God has something bigger.
something greater,
and something far more lovely than I can imagine.

So what's the point in striving for mediocrity...
God will provide.

God is good. God is faithful.

May I glorify and reflect Him only, in a life that loves people well.

A million years later.

2009-06-22T23:04:00.001-07:00

This weekend I enjoyed the tranquility of friendship and rest.

I can't even remember the last time I was so blessed

Current life occupation: Being a woman consumed with loving God. Nothing else matters.

Ability to accomplish said occupation is dependent on my reliance on God.

Learning what that looks like.

Have I ever mentioned that my favorite place here is the lake at night, when all the lights are out, and the stars are up. Nothing can replicate that. There's something about this place at night that will always get me.

It's Coming

2009-05-20T22:55:00.000-07:00

Summer that is.

Can you believe it's around the corner.

All my ducks are suppose to be in order in a matter of days, and the eggs haven't even hatched yet.

I don't like ducks.. they quack quack quack.

Sarah gave in...

2009-04-17T20:44:00.001-07:00

and got a twitter.

Because.. she just doesn't have time to really update people on life... and doesn't have internet at home still.

twitter.com/sarahtuch

enjoy.

Living on the edge.

2009-04-15T17:52:00.000-07:00

On the edge of what you ask?
I wonder that myself.
But I want to live there besides.
Not only do I want to live there, but I want to love there.

The End.

Pismo Beach: Staff Retreat

I'm just saying

2009-04-11T20:41:00.000-07:00

If there is any sport I can get behind, it's Men's College Hockey. And that is because I graduated from the best school ever.

And this is why.

GO BU!

My heart is so happy.
Best comeback! Incredible!

Empty Journals

2009-04-11T13:46:00.000-07:00

There's something so promising about an empty journal.

Something that excites me. The prospect of doing new things, thinking new things, recording new things.

I find an impulse to buy empty notebooks often (though rarely do). And yet, when I buy one, I have this hesitation to use it. There's something wonderful about an unadulterated notebook. There's something beautiful about it's blank pages. What... dear notebook, should you be filled with?

I hesitate to write, not wanting to err. But that also moves me to buy more, empty notebooks... more chances to start over, anew. New blank pages are forgiving of past notebooks.

Beautiful

2009-03-30T19:00:00.000-07:00

Learning.
Loving.
Living.
Life.

God is good, and I have no complaints.

Work

2009-03-27T16:34:00.000-07:00

Today a friend asked me, and I quote: "so what else is going on with you?"
When I inquired what he meant specifically, he responded "I don't know. anything other than work."

and I laughed. What else is there?

Before me.

2009-03-23T10:40:00.000-07:00

I sit looking at my schedule for the next two weeks.

I see, splayed before me, the work of 4 people and my head hurts. How is this possible? IS this possible?

--
The cross before me the world behind
No turning back, raise the banner high
It's not for me, it's all for You

--
Not to us, but to Your Name be the glory

If I keep my eyes on Jesus, I can walk on water.

If You Find Her

2009-03-17T13:03:00.000-07:00

The other day, a friend of mine made a comment about what he wanted people to think when they thought about him.
and it made me think. What do I want people to think when they think of me?

and what I want, is to love people well. To love people with all I have.
and that includes people I don't love well.
to really love is to love those who won't love you back.

to suffer long, to be kind, to not envy, not parade myself, not be puffed up, not behave rudely, not seek my own, not be provoked, think no evil, to not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoice in the truth.

TO BEAR ALL THINGS. BELIEVE ALL THINGS. HOPE ALL THINGS. ENDURE ALL THINGS.

I do

2009-03-11T18:26:00.001-07:00

Some might say, "Sarah, what is it you do exactly"
and I would say, "Well... I shoot people"

The problem...

2009-03-10T21:44:00.000-07:00

I left dinner this evening to find a tire flat on my car. Knowing what I do about cars, i knew it unwise to drive the car far, let alone at all. I carefully moved it to a spot out of the way, and proceeded to walk home. I didn't have time, nor the bravery to change it then and there. I don't want people watching me.

So, after small group I headed over to my car. Moving it under a light by the snack shop, i opened the trunk and got out the jack to begin the tire changing process. Once my car was elevated I started working on the bolts. But they won't budge...

Now, I know how to change a tire! I've even helped change one before. But apparently I'm not strong enough any longer (or I wasn't the one who used strength last time).

But now, I find myself a damsel in distress, in need of a hero, and brute strength, in order to have a moving vehicle.

Firefly now sits alone, with only three limbs, wondering when she will be rescued.

Oi Vey.

The Perishers

2009-03-09T16:28:00.000-07:00

"Come Out of the Shade"

Epiphany

2009-03-06T11:37:00.000-08:00

Luke 14:34-38 (New American Standard Bible)
"Therefore, salt is good; but if even salt has become tasteless, with what will it be seasoned?
"It is useless either for the soil or for the manure pile; it is thrown out. He who has ears to hear, let him hear."

Salt is used to make manure good for fertilizing.

We, the salt, are to make manure good for fertilizing.
We, the salt, are to make the crap in people's lives good for fertilizing.
We, the salt, are to make the crap in people's lives good soil.

So that,

Luke 8:8 (New American Standard Bible)
"Other seed fell into the good soil, and grew up, and produced a crop a hundred times as great." As He said these things, He would call out, "He who has ears to hear, let him hear."

He who has ears to hear, let hum hear. Being the salt of the earth is also about being the kind of person that takes people where they are and makes them more receptive to God.

D*Land

2009-03-05T22:43:00.001-08:00

The Hume Crew in line for the Jungle Cruise

So I was inspired to go to Disneyland because my pass was expiring.

A bunch of us decided to hit up the happy kingdom and had a blast.

We rode most every ride we enjoyed twice. And that includes riding Splash Mountain twice in a row (no getting out of the log), two times (2 x 2 =4)! It also meant riding Big Thunder Mountain in pelting rain.. and it was an incredible feeling. Woo!

And then we drove the 6 enjoyable hours back to camp before hitting our pillows at 3 am.

A great shotgun trip to the Southern of California. No regrets.

Janelle and I on Big Thunder Mountain

What is love?

2009-03-02T23:28:00.001-08:00

Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. no more. (Another one of those days I just feel liking singing to the internet.)

I also wear my sunglasses at night.

En otro cosas:

Mi vida no esta mal ahora, pero no esta mi favorito. Odio la situacion, y la dolor en mi corazon. Quiero ser una persona con belleza. Lo veo. Porque mi Padre es bueno, y me la dime por mis hermanas de Dios. Entre de mi corazon y mi cabeza hay un lucha. Mi corazon quiere amigos y todo, pero mi cabeza se sabe que es por mio y no tuyo. I debo necesitar nada de los otros en mi vido. La unica cosa yo necesito es mi Dios, mi Padre.

Purificame y lavame, renueveame, restaurame senor.

is about to go to bed

2009-02-27T23:15:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I start to title my blogs as if they are a status on facebook.

is glad that God is good.
wants to fight the evil minions in her head.
anxiously anticipates the hope of the future.

supposes that this habit is similar to the one that makes her type "reply" first before replying in an email. oops.

loves her friends.

Never Again-Griffin House

2009-02-24T23:14:00.000-08:00

Never again am I gonna give my heart to a bullshit cause
I’ve had enough of lies and dark
Never again am I gonna waste my time on a bullshit road
It’s never been a friend of mine
Simple words from a simple man
Take me as I am ‘cause there’s no guarantee I’ll ever change
To feel like this, to know distress, to always wonder why
Ah, forgive me any way I go
Father, I know, I feel like I’m made to let you down
Brother, I know, I’m failing to come through
To feel like this, to know distress, to always wonder why
If you lead me anywhere I’ll go

Well it’s plain to see that I don’t fit in
And I tried to find a place to hide
My body’s always been too young for the soul that’s trapped inside
But I’d show the color of my eyes to everyone around
And it’d take an angel seven years to come and calm me down
I’ll never understand myself or know the reasons why
In my bed alone at night I learned to be afraid to die
My soul is frozen stiff inside my skin
Paralyzed by thoughts that I’ve let in
Father, I know, I feel like I’m made to let you down
Brother, I know, I’m failing to come through
To feel like this, to know distress, to always wonder why
If you take me…anywhere I’ll go
Wherever you are going…take me by the hand
If you lead me…anywhere I’ll go

Death Cab.

2009-02-24T23:09:00.001-08:00

The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
'cause we'll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms.

Lalalala lalalala

2009-02-24T21:37:00.000-08:00

I drove in London while eating cantaloupe, listening to the polka song written for me.

Actually I didn't.

Is there someone else?

2009-02-23T18:55:00.001-08:00

"No, but there is the dream of someone else"

-You've Got Mail

... one of my favorite lines ...

also:

"All that means is it wasn't personal to you. It's personal to me. It's personal to a lot of people. And what's so wrong with being personal anyway. Whateverelse anything is it aughta begin by being personal."

Sunday Morning Rain is Falling

2009-02-22T13:12:00.000-08:00

In the short span of a few hours I've accomplished quite a number of things and crossed them off of my list.

Now, I'm not much of a list person... in the sense that I'd rather not have one if possible. But I am a list person when it comes to getting things done. It feels great to have less and less on a list.

I had made plans for a coffee date with Lizzy at 1. Thinking it was Monday, I was quite surprised to find people sleeping on my couch. So I had to cancel and move the date till after church.. but I feel guilty, because I think that might be a bit too late for a school night... there was hesitation in getting permission.

and on that note.

na na na na life goes on.

even though it all still hurts like yesterday.

na na na na life goes on.

So Tired

2009-02-21T15:16:00.000-08:00

Last night I checked to make sure my alarm was off...

I apparently checked wrong.

It took me an hour this morning to realize that i was waking up every 9 minutes because my alarm was going off.

I was even pressing the snooze button, and STILL didn't get it.

Woulda Coulda Shoulda

2009-02-18T16:03:00.000-08:00

today would be 1.5 years. Scary.

Creative

2009-02-18T15:20:00.001-08:00

I always want to be creative. and intriguing in my writing. But all I hear in my head are songs.

Singing.

and today it's Toby Lightman... "Color"

God Answers

2009-02-17T11:06:00.000-08:00

I sat this morning before God.

I asked Him to remind me who He is.

and a voice inside me decided to turn to Psalm 37 (not thinking about what might it be)

-- and everything I needed to hear was there.

4.8 23.24. 30.

Heroes

2009-02-16T23:02:00.000-08:00

"Who among the world of strangers will hold our hand..."

What I Need to Know...

2009-02-15T21:02:00.000-08:00

God is Good.

Rejoice always, and again I say rejoice.

Life is but a mist.

My God is an all consuming fire.

Love beyond measure.

Lay down your life.

The last will be first.

God's power is manifested in weakness.

Not to us, but to Him be the Glory.

"It's not I who live, but Christ in me."

As a branch, I'd like the fruit that comes from being part of a Jesus tree.

...since sliced bread

2009-02-11T22:00:00.000-08:00

How cool is sliced bread really?

I mean, we're always saying (well maybe not always) that something is the coolest thing since sliced bread...

But has anyone ever stopped to think about how awesome it is to have a pure unadulterated loaf of bread... I mean you can just rip of a piece and it tastes much better when it isn't flat...

I mean, don't we all really love rolls?

I've decided that I am NOT the coolest thing since sliced bread.

The light bulb, maybe.

But not sliced bread.

Beanpot

2009-02-09T22:16:00.000-08:00

We won.
We're the best ever!
GO BU!

BC Sucks.

Gilmore

2009-02-09T16:12:00.000-08:00

We're almost there and no where near it. All that matters is that we're going.
-Laureli Gilmore

You're a stranger now unto me.

2009-02-09T02:44:00.000-08:00

Its a still life water color,
Of a now late afternoon,
As the sun shines through the curtained lace
And shadows wash the room.
And we sit and drink our coffee
Couched in our indifference,
Like shells upon the shore
You can hear the ocean roar
In the dangling conversation
And the superficial sighs,
Are the borders of our lives.
Simon and Garfunkel

Life is Good

2009-02-09T02:07:00.000-08:00

Like a T-Shirt.

"I'm satisfied by Your love so completely, How can I thirst for the praises of men, there's nothing I need that you haven't provided no one can offer me peace like you can."

Your love is enough, I don't need man's applause, I know what I'm worth, I remember the cross."

"My heart knows your love like it flows through my veins, Such peace and contentment, I've found in your grace, I cant think why I ever complained, you love me what more can I want, I'm sustained"

-----

I sing these words and they echo deep inside me. And yet I struggle with living them. Oh that I were not human.

If I were a movie

2009-02-07T22:36:00.001-08:00

I would be 27 Dresses.

I'm pretty sure.

Can hardly contain...

2009-02-07T08:54:00.000-08:00

Have I mentioned that Boston University has the NUMBER 1 ranked hockey team in the country this year? Oh yes, that's right, we're AWESOME! And I'm so so so excited, I love BU Hockey.

And, the Bean Pot Finals are on Monday night! At which time we will win our 28th (i believe) Bean Pot title.

Schneider, Schneider (even though you graduated) YOU SUCK! Sieve Sieve Sieve Sieve.

Missing Boston something terrible...

Quote of the Day

2009-02-05T22:45:00.001-08:00

"Don't shoot babies when they're unarmed"

just another day.

2009-02-03T22:36:00.000-08:00

I've been sleeping in... more than is normal for me.

But I started the day in bed.

After lunch, the warm weather enticed me to sit and read on the dock. And it was loverly. I'm reading Francis Chan's "Crazy Love" and it was the perfect setting in which to read the first chapter.

later... after dinner...

I decided that I wanted to have frozen yogurt. So I coaxed Jen into traveling with me to ghetto Dinuba for some TCBY... which turned out to be at the Texaco. It was a great diversion.

Death and Taxes

2009-01-30T13:24:00.001-08:00

You know it's sad when you decide you'd rather do your taxes than go to work.

I've checked into Hotel Help for a Mental Vacation.

Crush

2009-01-26T22:41:00.000-08:00

I totally have a thing for Liv's brother!

No Variation or Shadow of Turning

2009-01-26T22:21:00.000-08:00

The morning started when I took Firefly into the body shop and picked up Norma for a drive around the town.

I woke up not sure of even leaving; the fresh snow bode danger on the drive. I was wrong. So wrong.

We, my not so fair weather friend Heather and I (don't worry, I know what I mean, and so does she) headed to lunch at Betsy's Sandwich bar in Uncle Harry's bagel shop. Sooooo good. Then we browsed Fashion Fair for a few things before heading to Target.

A series of miracles, small joyfilled miracles began.

*Heather found that she had way more money on a gift card than she thought.

*And then we went to get free Starbucks. While encountering some of the nicest and most fun coffee house service I've ever had, we both tried new drinks that we each loved.

*We went to Borders where we let ourselves spend 10$. I found a book of fairy tales written by Oscar Wilde. .. to top that off: When I passed the music section a CD caught my eye. and I randomly thought to purchase it. a 5$ CD of a band I had never heard before. I hemmed and hawed, and after convincing bought it, only to find that I had 5$ credit at borders. So it was free. And I love the CD! It's great!

*We then went and saw a movie for free. We saw Bride Wars, which was good but not great.

*off to dinner at Josh's house for quesadillas, then to trader joes!! for fun healthy food! I love it!, More Starbucks (where we ALMOST got the pick of the week early.. if they hadn't been lost), and then took a detour home...

*and then to top it ALL of... WE SAW A LION on our way home. Driving up the hill we were convinced we saw a Lion take down a deer. Being the females we are, of course, we turned around and made sure... We totally saw a Lion! How cool!

Okay. so that was the day. and it was great. and much needed. God is good, and every good and perfect gift comes from Him... and today was a gift.

Syrup

2009-01-25T22:20:00.000-08:00

Wouldn't you know it...?

I just ate a pancake.

I wanted one.

I made one.

and I ate it.

Maybe I'm not who I thought I was.

"When you're dreaming of a broken heart, waking up is the hardest part." -John Mayer

2009-01-22T20:38:00.001-08:00

I think this is a lie; rather, sleeping is the hardest part.

I'd rather drain my energy, clinging to the last breath of conscious wake. Slumber brings pain and welcomes unwelcome tears. The watch-guards take a break and my mind is flooded with anguish, salty anguish. No, sleep is worse than waking up. Or rather, falling asleep is worse.

Although, while I've been eluding those moments these days I find that the lack of sleep bodes worse for my soul. The faculties of caution and filters on my heart are even thiner than their usual opaque. Raw emotion paralyzes me from functioning. The awareness that I'm nothing, that I live alone and unseen, that God is the only (except in those moments I forget God) washes my face anew with a river of loneliness.

And then there is rock bottom. And my mind poetically wonders if that's why people drink their scotch on the rocks. And if scotch is like tape that people use to hide and fix their wounds. Menial, temporary adhesive bandages that don't leave room for true healing.

-from a girl wondering where she really is in the scheme of things, because there is honestly little for which she can complain.

well, since you didn't ask...

2009-01-22T20:23:00.000-08:00

I'm treading lightly in fog. Vision blurry, clinging to the hope of "after." I don't know what to do after. What will I have left waiting, I wonder.

Like a switch.

2009-01-22T15:34:00.001-08:00

Psalm 6:6

" I am worn out from groaning;

all night long I flood my bed with weeping

and drench my couch with tears."

My Life

2009-01-21T23:00:00.000-08:00

Yes.
DVD Studio Pro.
Final Cut.
and caffeine.

What else do I need, I mean really, what else?

Oh yes. God. and sleep. and maybe food. maybe.

Late Night

2009-01-19T04:07:00.000-08:00

I sit here, waiting for a DVD to burn. Yet another late night at work.

It's strange how some nights it can be 7pm and you think it's 11. And other nights, you look at the clock and think: Holey Moley! I thought it was 11! and its really 4am...

Tonight I found myself experiencing the latter. Which is by far preferable. I find that i'm much more productive these nights.

On another note: Church tonight, or yesterday, was really good. It was good to be reminded that only God looks at the heart, and that there is always the possibility of misunderstanding with people. It made me less frustrated with the present sense that no one here sees my heart.

Still working on this whole selflessness thing...however I still seem to fail at every step...

99% done now... I should be going.

Ciao!

Run Forrest Run

2009-01-18T10:18:00.000-08:00

I want to run away,
.. to the shore...
....to the buildings...
.....to life outside these shadows...

I want to be free,
.....from the pretense
....from the pain
..from me

run free my darling,
and run.

~anonymous

A day off!

2009-01-16T11:13:00.000-08:00

Tuesday was a day gifted to me by a loving God.

I started the day getting an estimate on my car after hitting the snow birm, and then the real fun started.

I enjoyed a cup of coffee with a poppyseed muffin at the Revue in the tower district. I tried to read there, but thought I better try to catch up with my friends from Boston, to no avail. So I headed to Fashion Fair where I proceeded to try on things I could never see myself wearing, like a purple jean mini skirt. and here's the thing: I loved it! I think I could pull it off, and I was very tempted to purchase it. But seeing as there is no place for me to wear it, it seemed a waste. ( I have pictures, but that might be scandalous)

Josh met me right about now in the story and we walked around and looked for funny hats and fun T-shirts.

And Then I met Rachel! I love Rachel. We went to Chick-filet (Where we saw Melody! YAY!) At Chick-filet, one of the young men who worked there approached the two of us and asked us if we would like our beverages refreshed, and if he could clear our trays for us. Is this normal fast food employee behavior? or did he just want to talk to us....

Then we went to Bath and Body Works, and Target, and Dinner (w/Josh) and then Grocery Shopping. Now, at Target, Rachel and I were in the nail polish/facewash area, and this obnoxious employee kept asking Rachel questions and generally bothering her. When I told Rach that I was heading to the next Isle, the employee proceeded to ask : "Is your daughter looking for facewash?" Poor Rachel had to try not to laugh... Now do I look like her daughter?

I dont think so either!

The whole day ended with Coffee and super encouraging conversation that reminds you who you are, who God wants you to be, and how hard and worthwhile the inbetween is.

Up and Up

2009-01-10T20:10:00.000-08:00

Cause it seems I get so hung up on
The history and what's gone wrong
And the hope of a new day
Is sometimes hard to see
And though I'm finally catching onto it
And now the past is just a conduit
And the light there at the end is where I'll be

To be prosperous
Would not require much of me
You see contentment is the one thing it entails
To be content with where I am
And getting where I need to be
I'm moving past the past
Where I have failed

Karaoke

2009-01-09T17:14:00.000-08:00

Why are things the way they are.
Who to be to make them better.
Clouded thoughts that bite and scar.

Driving home today in my car, that song came on the radio. You know, the one that's really fun to belt out loud even though you never really know what he's talking about.

But the words seem appropriate... loss, anger, pretense:

Half the time the world is ending
Truth is I am done pretending
Too much time, too long defending
You and I are done pretending

I never thought that I
Had any more to give
You're pushing me so far
Here I am without you.

i'm just done.

Cat and Mouse

2009-01-08T22:14:00.000-08:00

There are colors you can't see,
and notes indistinct that mark this soul.
The dressings of exterior mar interior
Don't presume to know.
Don't presume to see.

I'm done with this.
I'm done with you.
I'm done with being here.

I am
and I'm done
and I'm not
And I'm not done

There's a wall.
A decorated one.
And a ladder.

Find it. and Find in.
Lose it and Lose.

.a week.

2009-01-05T21:36:00.000-08:00

It's been one of those weeks.
The week that feels like a month.
The week without days, just events.
Filled with a plethora of joy.
Filled with the pain of loss and stress.
The week that leaves you weak.
That makes you weep.
That steals your sleep.
Oh yes, It's been one of those weeks.

But I'd like to take that, and fold it up in a fancy design, and put it in my pocket.In my pocket it will go. And I will go. And it will go with me.

So it would be if so it could be.

Annual Update Tradition

2009-01-01T00:46:00.000-08:00

The Idea: The first sentence from the first blog of every month; year 2008.

January: It's been quite an incredible holiday season so far...
February: I had a great weekend this weekend.
March: Today is a good day.
April: I think yes. yes. emotional week. and yet. I'm still alive.
May: It's been a while. With good reason.
June: No Entry
July: Odd day, Odd weekend really.
August: No Entry
September: No Entry
October: I love walking down the boulevard of a populated area.
November: But where are the Elks? I haven't seen any.
December:There's nothing that makes me happier--than realizing just how far God has taken me, and just how much He loves me.

Tag! You're It!

I'm one of those historian people. The kind that have trouble focusing on what's to come, because they keep their heads stuck in the past. Not that we don't think upon the future, just that it doesn't impact the present very much. So, when I'm approached by a new year, I hardly think about the exciting things to come, or the promise of the future. Rather, I get nostalgic, almost sad and reminiscent as I think upon the past year.

I leave you with this thought: Look at the stars. I've been blessed to see some amazing starry nights before, but none as incredible as this evening. It reminded me that Abraham must have a lot of children....

Mmmm Mmmm Christmas.

2008-12-27T09:33:00.000-08:00

Siblings in the hottub. Christmas Night

Pumpkin Pie! oh, and Liesa!

Family Portrait:

Those hats we are wearing come from family British tradition. "Christmas Poppers"

Top to Bottom, Left to Right, Daddy, Uncle Eric, Brooke, Liesa, Sylvia, Me, Shaw

Christmas Day in Palm Springs. So much fun to have a spontaneous family adventure. We opened presents, ate wonderful food, enjoyed the jacuzzi, played the traditional family game of Taboo. My dad played!!! When my sister told me my dad said he would play, i asked her if she had him sign a contract. And she had tried!

On Boxing day, we all went to Cabazon and went on a 7 person family shopping extravaganza. Our family moves like molasses. No one makes any decisions. And then we had lunch at BJs. It was great.

Craaazy

2008-12-24T17:08:00.000-08:00

Weird People. But they're my people.

Tomorrow. Scratch that. Tonight, we expect snow in Lake Arrowhead.
Some might say, what divine timing! What providence!
A white Christmas!

Not the Tuch household.
Today, Christmas Eve, I got a call on my way home.
"We've decided to use our timeshare, we're going to do Christmas in Palm Dessert"

That's right. We're fleeing the white Christmas.

Truth is, I'm cool with that. I'm excited. We get to do a family vacation of sorts for Christmas! and we haven't had one of those since the Family Vacation Catastrophe of '99. I trust this one will be wonderful. How could it not be! It's Christmas! I love it when plans change in a "spontaneous adventure" sort of way.

Life is what we make it. Make it joyful. Live in the moment.

Merry Christmas Peeps.

creatings nothing new it's just recycling

2008-12-23T20:06:00.000-08:00

Relient K's New Album

"The Bird and the BeeSides"

Time and time again, God uses their witty lyrics to speak into my life, to encourage me forward.

---

Where do I go
Where do I stand
Where can I find myself again
Where do I go
If not disappear
Where do I go from here

Tracin' My steps right back to you
Racin' The clock to save an hour or two
Facin' The fact I can't feel a thing
Dealin' With what I can't control
Feelin' Confused 'cause I don't know
If healing Is when you don't feel a thing
------

We all, we all wear dignity
It covers the strong, the weak
We all, we all wear dignity
Even the last, the lost, the least

Step into a spacious place
Where pride and right will give way
To the least of these
To know the face
Of who a man can be

We all, we all wear dignity
God help the blind like me
Finding at last a voice we cry
And see with clear unblinking eyes

-----

Well I found a list of flaws,
That I saw in myself and other people,
And I threw it away because... Bon Voyage

When it all falls apart,
And you can't see the forest for the symmetries.

Isn't it nice to know, that the lining is silver.
Isn't it nice to know, that we're golden.
Yeah we're golden, oh!

-----

Clinging to the remnants of perfection
Like most do after they break it
Not knowing which directions the correct one
Do I discard or remake it

Cause if I don’t know then I don’t know
But I may know someone that knows me more than I
And if I somehow could rest this soul
Maybe control could find its way back to my life

-----

Alright
I'm a human being
Being happy and sane
All human beings
We are made to quit being inhumane

-----

Yesterday was not quite what it could've been
As were most of all the days before
But I swear today with every breath I'm breathing in
I'll be trying to make it so much more

Cause it seems I get so hung up on
The history of what's gone wrong
That the hope of a new day is sometimes hard to see
But I'm finally catching on to it
Yeah the past is just a conduit
And the light there at the end is where I'll be

Now there's nothing left to prove
Cause I'm just trying to be
A better version of me for you

Now I have, all that I could ever need
The confidence of knowing there's still time
Time to make amends and try to build a better me
And to take the right steps as this road unwinds

-----

I've given up on acting like I'm perfect
I advise you all to do the same
Perfection's rare
So the last time I checked
We've all been introduced to feeling ashamed

Let's talk about the way things were
Let's talk about the way things should be
I think I'm certain but I'm not so sure
If I'll turn my back as soon as God lets me

(When me and You, subtract the latter
Equals nothing really matters)

You make me sure, in the midst
Of heartbreak and turbulence
That my spirit soars becacuse its Yours
------

I'm sorry for the person I became
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change
I'm ready to make sure I never become that way again
Cause who I am hates who I've been
Who I am hates who I've been

-----

You stole so much from me and there is nothing left to take
Save a heart, learn a lesson on how to not make the same mistake
And you may be delirious but that is something that will fade
After you confess that this mess is all something that you made

SOOOO GOOD!

Work sum mo'

2008-12-22T20:45:00.000-08:00

Sitting here at work... messy hair and all, waiting for the motion project to export. What fun.

Last night, I decided it would be good to take a break from work.. like a half day sabbath. But, would you guess? My sleeping schedule is wiggedy wack. So I stayed up listening to my new music. Best of 2008 (thanks Darin), Jon Troast (thanks Nathan), and Relient K! (thank you God). A whole post dedicated to Relient K will be soon coming. I just need ample time to sit through the album.

Oh look! The Video is done!

Peas.

Luv.

Happynus.

Long Overdue Pictures...

2008-12-21T20:25:00.001-08:00

1. Do I even have to mention how cool Kyle and I are?

At Disneyland.

Over Thanksgiving.

2. Beauty.

Union Square.

San Francisco.

3.In an elevator.

What fun.

Too bad about the elevator bouncers.

Hopefully. Be full of hope. My blogs will soon be less boring. and more Picturesque.

Christmas Lights

2008-12-20T02:59:00.000-08:00

Tonight I walked home from work in the wee hours of the morning...

and at 2am. the stars are brilliant. quite brilliant.

and it came to me: they are the true Christmas Lights and God the true decorator.

and it made me grateful: grateful for this place, for my God, for the blessings of my surroundings.

What a clear, beautiful night.

Better

2008-12-10T08:23:00.000-08:00

I've been better.
But today I've been better than I've been.

In the words of Relient K: Who I am hates who I've been.

I know where I've been and look forward to be better days ahead.

I learn to trust that He who began a good work is faithful to complete. I only wish to be a better me. Because I haven't felt like me at all.

There's nothing that makes me happier..

2008-12-07T09:59:00.000-08:00

--than realizing just how far God has taken me, and just how much He loves me

--than seeing a child's face light up--

--than seeing a need and meeting it--

--than spending an evening in good company--

--than learning more and more of who people really are--

--than hearing the perfect song at the perfect moment--

--than wanting to dance, and feeling like it's okay--

--than acting like a fool and having people enjoy it--

--than feeling like me, and liking it--

----and while I suppose these contradict themselves--some probably make me happier than others--in the moment, absolutely nothing could make me happier----

the week

2008-11-27T11:28:00.000-08:00

Waking up at 5am everyday to have fofcee (coffee) with my dad.

Walking through the village and enjoying "home," oatmeal raisin cookies, and friends.

Going to Costco with my mom just for toothpaste and dishwasher detergent... the day before Thanksgiving.

FAMILY!

Change

2008-11-25T09:10:00.000-08:00

Looking back at what God did in college... I forgot that he started a lot of my transformation in HS. Below is a poem I found that reminds me that I have always disliked America.

A poem written in HS. Brought to you by... my journal.

Anonymous Love Poem to America

America, Home of the conflicted

How I love your special touch.

The way the people run about

buying things a bunch.

Consuming food and clothing

and losing jobs and pride

Holding no convictions

Always going with the Ride.

I love the way your lost,

and can't focus on today.

Needing to fix others

not in the U.S. way.

Oh how I love America

Truly different yes.

From all the other nations.

Who can ask for something less.

What's Strange About Being Home?

2008-11-25T06:45:00.000-08:00

1. Instantly assuming all of my friends are in a different time-zone.

2. Thinking it's Christmas. When else would I be home?

3. Being told to drink wine by my parents, who know I'm on contract.

Road Journey: Don't Stop_ believing.

2008-11-24T21:50:00.000-08:00

My tires hit the road at 5:15 am to begin my trek home. Giving into fancy, or curiosity, or what have you, I decided to take the 245. My only experience with the 245 being my escapade to vote, I was anxious to see what the road had to offer. As the heaviness of the night lifted and the beautiful stars (so beautiful they could be fake) vanished, I was surprised to find what unravelled before me. I traveled through thick forests, speckled with the vibrant colors of fall, through rolling hills of green, past the hills to the vineyards, from the vineyards to the orchards, and from the orchards into a thick fog that covered the morning. It struck me how beautiful a well kept orchard is. How rows and rows of trees can be so striking, even though they weren't created by God in lines. Part of me cries: shouldn't they be more beautiful when left to live as God made them! But then it hits me: Perhaps they are beautiful as an archetype of man fulfilling his purpose and maintaining the land as best he knows.

So, back to this fog. Thick fog. I've never known driving through fog on a freeway. My only experience has been in mountains. I only had one moment where I thought of pulling over But I continued forth and was only 15-20 minutes late for my breakfast date with Linda. By this time, my tummy had been awake for nearly 4 hours and was ready for sustenance. Though the burger tempted me, I decided to try the new Tuscan Grilled Chicken Sandwich. Which is sun-dried tomatoes, crisp romaine lettuce, melted provolone cheese, pesto sauce, a toasted bun, and of course, grilled chicken. Yum.

Then.... dun dun dun duuuuuuuuh! DISNEYLAND! What better way to break up a trip home than a stop by my favorite place on earth (and by that I mean top 10). Huzzah! This stop, whiles short, rocked my socks off. I decided to ride one ride. My favorite ride. The Hollywood Tower of Terror of course. So, I picked up a fast pass and headed to Disneyland where I enjoyed listening to dixie land music for a while. I love to take in the ambiance of the place. and yes for all you BMT folks out there. I did just say ambiance. I also really enjoyed watching a mutoscope of Charlie Chaplin which is before even the kinescope in the film/tv world. Super cool. Then I went and enjoyed the ride. So so so much. We're talking ear to ear smiles.

I called Mandy and caught up a bit by phone as I braved the CA freeways.

and then home to my family. where it feels good to know I'm loved. even though they know me.

Picture from my trip to come.

What, who how.

2008-11-21T19:26:00.000-08:00

Name that movie:

The sun is warm. The grass is green.

Answer only important when ask right question.

___________________________________________________________

The question: Who has God made me to be?

The answer:

Insert processing bar here.

The question: How do I glorify God with who I am?

The answer:

I'm working on that one.

to just be

2008-11-13T16:37:00.001-08:00

ME:

50/50

Introvert/Extrovert

The coin has flipped. The introvert has hit.

I find myself less open to share, less willing to open up.

More likely to sit alone, more likely to think before speaking, more likely to stay quiet.

It feels like... like I need to be a different person. For myself.

....and I want to be. mostly.

I'm excited to enjoy life, to love people well, to express myself in living, to be...

Third Person Narrative

2008-11-09T16:14:00.000-08:00

Sarah is sick of living life on egg shells trying not to break them.

She tries to earn love by being as good, unobtrusive, responsible, supportive as she can be.

She knows it doesn't work.

She is tired of it not working.

Jesus was perfect.

He was betrayed.

Sarah hates that betrayal is ever looming, potentially unearned.

Sarah can't help but keep trying.

Maybe living on egg shells will decrease the odds.

Maybe someone will love her when she cracks the eggs.

Omelet anyone?

Hope

2008-11-06T08:03:00.001-08:00

misdirected and rejected

left to die disconnected

unrequited, unaffected

disregardedly ejected

interlocked made dejected

found, detected and infected

broken pieces then collected

re-elected to correct it

resurrected and perfected

hebrews 4:16

Remember

2008-11-05T22:17:00.001-08:00

Remember

The 5th of November.

Trust

2008-11-04T23:18:00.000-08:00

as the tears streak down my face I'm reminded that all is not lost.

in fact, nothing is.

i've yet to learn to truly trust here. few have truly sought it

i can feel it looming.

and it terrifies me.

trust can hurt.

Elk Grove.

2008-11-01T22:51:00.000-07:00

But where are the Elks? I haven't seen any.

Sitting with MB and JoRo, watching a movie, after an adventuresome day.

We slept into a breakfast of French Toast, Sausage, and fried eggs. Yummy in my tummy. Then headed off to Ikea. While MB may have considered the trip unsuccesful, mainly because we walked away with next to nothing, it was still quite fun. I enjoyed my first and second cup of coffee there.

Then, since everything revoloves around food, we went to Chipotle. Mmm Mmm Good. Three vegetarian burritos comin' our way.

Then to Ross's. I feel like we were there for years. I didn't look seriously at anything I feel... but I did get to catch up with a good friend from college with whom I used to lead small group for two years. Sometimes it's funny how you don't realize how much you miss someone until they recross your path.

While we drove into Ross's we had noticed that the local Mervins was going out of business. So I coerced the girls into letting me go in real quick.

Did I mention it's been raining all day?

So we drove across the parking lot and walked to Mervins. After looking around for a bit, we headed outside where the heavens had really started to let loose. We crowded under JoRo's umbrella and walked to the car. And that's when we realized: the key's were locked in the car.

When it became apparent that a spare key was not easy to grasp, we called AAA.

2 hours, 10 minutes, a mixed up dispatcher location, 3 coffees, 2 trips to the bathroom, 2 inches of rain, and 9 movie purchases later we were in the car and off to Dinner at the K's house.

What
a
Day.

Bare My Soul

2008-10-31T20:49:00.000-07:00

I want to paint my soul and inspire people to study it.
I want to be searched, sought out, valued, known (if not understood).
Maybe, If I were brush strokes on a canvas, someone would turn their head and look.
Art doesn't speak or seek to be known.
It Simply is. It innately captures.

Secrets

2008-10-31T20:48:00.001-07:00

Today I shared a big insecurity of mine with a deaf man,. and I don't know why I needed to do that.

Simple Reminder

2008-10-31T20:47:00.002-07:00

Yesterday, I was duplicating CDs and was reminded: "Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, Just to take Him at His Word"

I gave in...

2008-10-31T20:47:00.001-07:00

I will now continue my blog from here.

For now.

2008-10-25T11:27:00.001-07:00

You can read my blog at slynnt.livejournal.com.

Enjoy. or don't. Your call I suppose.